How living in summer in Berlin feels like during June

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Oh June,

You have been good to me.

Lesson have been taught.

People have been met.

Laughs have spread.

Tears have been dropped.

Hearts have healed. 

Hearts have teared. 

Sun has come out, although it seem to be a bit shy sometimes as well. 

So vain is he, Mr. Sun.

I have danced under the ten pm sun rays. 

Just striking lightly in your eyes, the last rays of sun for the day.

The long sixteen hour day. 

Somehow, days are long, but they pass by so fast. 

Heat wraps me up in delicate — trees smell. 

I twirls with the clouds moving fast on top of me. 

I walk barefoot on the grass.

I grab my book in my hand to travel my mind,

with my note books on top of it, 

in order to pour out my thoughts from this swirl inside my skull.

I will close my eyes and let myself feel. 

Listen to the outside in silence. 

Smile back to the sky.

Take a big stretch outside when wearing my white summer dress. 

Move my fingers in the ground, to remind myself the place I come from and the human form I have.

Senses.

I unfold my mat and I lay on top of it. 

I cross my legs and I let myself be kissed by the biggest star in the Milkyway.

Laying. 

Thinking. 

Breathing. 

Thinking. 

Thinking. Relaxing. 

Being. 

Breathing. 

Loving the moment. 

Listening to the kids in the background playing, with my eyes closed. 

They laugh. 

The couple next to me having a long and intimate hug which makes my heart tremble a bit.

I think about the times that I have had such a hug.

Being able to feel how your being slowly gets restarted with the simple contact and energetic exchange of the other.

So simple, yet so magical. 

I could shed a small, non venign tear down my cheek looking at the light in their eyes meeting, 

But I don’t.

I won’t.

I come back to my breathing and look at the sky again. 

Big white cloud lays on top of me. 

I can see a bit of the sky behind it, although its presence is still there. 

Cannot be missed, neither oppressed. 

–

How fast has this month gone by.

I have no idea when it really even stared.

I write this close to the end of June, and I remember how it had started just yesterday. 

Laying in bed, with my window open

Feeling the warm breeze enter my room in Berlin.

Without a bother, for at least a moment. 

Feeling a bit blue by the middle of the month when I get reminded of you,

But so glad I get to live the experience of being a human being!

All this feeling is what makes me human.

I have laughed so hard this month, time has sneezed through my nose then. 

In the blink of a second, gone. 

The biggest thief and gifter, I always say, Mr. Time. 

That cruel, unfaithful, treacherous, unforgiving, and unreliable creature.

So terrible, it gives us the best moments and manages to grasp it with its claws and take it into its infinite void of the past. 

So soft when living it in the moment, until you feel the grasp catching the glimpse of your eye. 

–

Where has time gone now? 

Maybe it has not gone, it’s the same time all the time. 

We change and the time stays the same. 

Things move, come, go, return, disappear, reappear, fade, revive, scream, shout, quiet down, jump, slide, and drift in every direction towards and away from us. 

As time passes by, I see the person I become. 

Or I perceive it, better said. 

Through how I feel – tricky sometimes in this one, not going to lie -,

The people that approach me,

How they feel around me,

My energy,

My peace,

Myself, me.

How people perceive themselves around me. 

What people approach to me for. 

I’m not stopping from moving forward. 

Everyday. 

Falling in love all over with this version of myself. 

Loving every single inch of breath that comes in contact with the skin I inhabit and kiss. 

This humanly mortal machine. 

So complex for itself, yet so curious. 

Follows the process of time and allows to exists knowing that there is not going to be a future in which it feels younger, because this is the youngest it will ever be for the rest of its life. 

It will never be as young, wild, free, mysterious, alive, and outrageous as it is just right now, in this exact precise moment. 

I remind myself sometimes all of this might be a simple dream or a random video-game plot for an alien in another universe.

Either way, this being a game or matrix, it feels so good to be alive and feel so much. 

Cannot deny feeling to much, feels like an absolute drown in the bottom of a glass of water with no lifeguard close on sight to float back to the surface… but oh dear, to feel that much in feeling good, feels like feeling good for the first time, everyday.

There are no words to describe this, therefore that would be absurd to even try and do so. 

You would never understand them the way I do, and you are not meant to. 

It is not your wave to ride.

You can only understand it in the way it makes sense to you. 

Not meaning, you feel the same I do. Or maybe yes, but only your way. 

We will never truly fully know them, but we will know we do. 

We will trust we do.

We also usually trust that every night we will close our eyes, and wake up in the same bed in which we played and closed our eyes in.

A bit ridiculous thinking we will wake up in a different bed, or even on the floor.

But even more ridiculous thinking we will not wake up, right? Why would we think that?

We have faith in ourselves for doing that.

The amount of trust we put in ourselves every single night, and just wake up and give it for granted more of the time. 

Life is so damn short!

It only lasts a couple of years, and many days. 

So it seems. 

Let’s live up to it! 

What are we waiting for?

Time to pass us by?

More?

It does it every moment. 

Even when we don’t want it to. 

Goes nonstop, with no rush, and no speed. 

It is.

Anyway, we give ourselves for granted forgetting we put our lives in our own self to live up and explore its senses, limits, borders, and extremes.

–

I open my eyes and see how the sun is shinning right on top of my face. 

A drop of sweat starts to slide through the right side of my face. 

I wonder why I didn’t bring my sunglasses if I knew it was going to be this sunny,

But maybe after Berlin, I got used to use them to go out in the night, and not always for the day. 

Anyway, I turn to my left, and with the help of my right arm, I bring myself to a seated position. 

I put my knees on the ground, take a quick look at the wonderful nature that surrounds me in this green wonderland of trees, water, forest, leaves, and humming birds all over myself, close my eyes again, take a breath which makes me feel as if I had never had a conscious breath like this, and get myself up my feet. 

I put down my dress.

Let it fall on top of the mat. Softly. Quietly.

No one could notice.

I am alone. 

No one can see me, this is what I like to think. 

No one, nowhere, knew I have a cute swimsuit under my outfit to touch the water as a fairy would while sitting in a dandelion. 

Too bad for them, better for me.

I walk up the water, and when close to the side of the body, I bed my knees and look for a moment to my reflection through nature. 

According to water I look in a certain way, until I touch it, and my image distorts. 

I smuggle when I notice.

I stand up and slowly walk inside the water. 

So cold for he first seconds. 

Take a deep breath, keep going, this is the mind tricking you. 

It is not really you. 

Keep going. Breathe. It is okay. There is no harm. 

Nervous system, please relax. 

We are under no hard. 

Up my heels, my calves, my knees, my thighs, my pelvis (cold cold cold cold!!!), my belly ( cooooooooollllllllldddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).

Uf uf uf uf uf uf uf uf 

I breathe. 

…

…

…

Phhhhaaaaaa

…

Pfffff 

Ahh 

All good. 

Is not that bad anymore. 

Only arms, neck, and head now.

One, two, ahh pffff.

Inside the water feels safe. Also not. 

It is a new world, I’m not part for.

I don’t know every corner down here. 

I let myself float at the top of the water and extend my leg and my arms. 

Look at the sky again. 

What a wonderful life to live.

Could not imagine not being grateful fr it. 

–

Letting myself float there, I let myself feel the moment. 

Just float. 

I have nothing else to do, and no where else to be. 

No where else to rush towards. 

There is nothing to chase.

I am here. 

Floating. 

Being. 

Breathing. 

Living. 

Experiencing the human form. 

Wiggling my fingers to feel the water splash and break info little drops of water coming back to the same whole, even though, the river is never the same, at any moment. 

–

Oh June, you have been good to me. 

Those sad summer late evenings of the middle of the month, and those long laughter with friends after a couple of glasses of wine in a terrace with nice dresses and a candle, realizing how precious having people close it. 

All of you has made me become a person I am meant to become, and overcome the challenges that are meant to be faced by me. 

If I am put with them, is because I can sustain them and need to evolve. 

I know this, life has taught it to me through you. 

Let’s laugh and cry, cry while we laugh, laugh about crying, and cry about laughing. 

Let’s do everything we are meant to. 

Take my hand, and let me feel it for a moment, 

Before the claws from Time send em off to the new month. 

You’ve been good June. 

You have. 

We will meet again in a couple of months more. 

With a different storyline, haircut, mindset, position in life, age, and maybe even geographical location. 

You have been a warm hug of sun, and a cold splash of water when you least expect it. 

Stay like this.

Be what you are.

Come as you are. 

Just let me still feel the sun smooch my skin, the air starting to get warmer, bigger joys on people’s life, new doors opening up, and rub my fingers through the grass just as I do, for us.

You and me. 

–

You are so short, though so long.

Cannot explain it. 

It would be absurd to even try. 

Wouldn’t it be?

Describing the size of something without metrics? Absurd. 

You June… absurdly immediate you are… aren’t you…

You like it that way it seems.

You give a piece of yourself, so we long for you until next time. 

Big lover you seem to be. 

I will let my head fall back, hoping to meet you again, with a new look in my eyes. 

Hopefully a new essence. A bit better, a bit calmer, a bit more mature, or simply adequate to whatever and whoever I’ll be when the moment comes.

I’ll give myself up to time. 

Let it guide me and help me decide on me.

Might as well just choose to float up to and with her. I’ll invite her over. I have to.

We could call this, following the most unreliable narrator of all. Mr. Time itself.

MyBk

–

I send you love and light.

Always.

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