Who am I, as of Today

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Every year, I write a text reflecting on what I’ve learned. For some reason, this year, I can’t seem to put into words everything I’ve learned. However, I can share who I am at this present moment—or rather, my perception of who I think I am… or what the hell was this whole thing through my eyes.

A lot has happened this year, and it has truly been mostly chaotic. This doesn’t mean it’s been a bad year; it’s just been a very chaotic one in every sense of the word. I started as one person, and today, she is a stranger to me. I can only speak for who I perceive myself to be today.

This year has felt like a massive slap in the face multiple times, and many times, non-stopping. Without denying I’ve gotten hugged by it and grown a lot. Misunderstood a lot of things, about myself and what I thought life was, or is, and I lost myself a lot of times – which gave me the opportunity to find myself again.

Being honest, do I end this year feeling great? I’m not sure, to be honest… I am truly and wholeheartedly proud of myself and the things I’ve been able to get through, but I don’t get to manage feeling great about this year for some reason… ‘I don’t know what just happened 24/7’, is how I’d describe this year for me.

I’ve met beautiful people which I’m more than grateful to have such angels and messengers in my life, in the distance or up-close, I’ve gotten unreal opportunities, and realized things which are for oneself, always fall into place somehow, within its respective moment.

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To be honest, what I know, or think I do, is this: I don’t really know anything for sure, but I do know, we will all die. We will all be forgotten. Life passes by real quick. Everything dissolves. Something might re-emerge out of that emptiness. We are here for a mere moment in time. Life is changing every second. Everything happens. As well as, everything has a reason to be and eventually becomes the cause of something, rather than an effect. We complain too much. And most of the time for very stupid things that in a couple of days, even hours sometimes, will become absolutely insignificant. We are SO blessed. Nothing of what we think will happen, might happen. One makes plans and life simply laughs back at us for doing that. Shit happens. And the only moment we really have is the one happening right now.

Well, that is something, huh? I sound like an absolute pessimist, but I don’t consider this to truly be like that. Don’t get me wrong! I absolutely love the fact I can experience life! I can feel! I can be! I can breathe! I am so many things…. But these things are part of life. 

In fact… for me, thinking about these things sometimes remind me of the fact I’m SO alive and SO full of it. Life doesn’t come at me, but from me. And learning that takes time… as a famous writer once said. I am the creator of my life. I shall remain aware there are things outside of my control, and one of those is the day I cease to exist (I MEAN TO WHAT EXTENT HUH!! but I’m not getting into this topic). Being aware of my own mortality has been something that’s made me not give for granted so many simply things.

I don’t think about that all the time, but sometimes I just sit back and say huh… well, this will all be gone at some point. And it adds a bit of mystery, irony, absurdism, mysticism, or simply a lens which asks me to look through it carefully and watching out for the details that come. I got one shot to make it right – whatever right means for me.

People tend to think that since I’m young, I tend to think ‘I’m immortal’ and ‘I think I will live forever’ or I don’t know, but SIKE.

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Yes, all of us are going to die. That is a fact! It’s not being pessimistic. Many people get scared when they think about this. Although it’s everyone’s destiny. We are all condemned to have the same ending. And we suck it. No apologies given because that is part of nature. It’s simply another cycle we have to and will face.

We are the only ones that suffer when someone leaves, but this person is now forever free from the cage of the body. If you are one of the people who don’t believe the body is a cage, let me rephrase it for you: ‘machine,’ ‘experiencer,’ ‘mold,’ ‘transporter,’ call it whatever you want. It is free. Unlimited by any type of norm we create for our own prevention of destruction (which we fail at most of the time). 

We will all be forgotten. Yes! And? If you don’t want to, try and make something that makes you stay in people’s minds. How many people have died a couple of minutes from you reading this article and you have no clue about them. That will be you one day, and another one me.

The point of life, I don’t think it’s to be forever remembered and never ever forgotten—that is absurd itself. But to make life meaningful enough for you to enjoy it to the fullest and get to appreciate the passing of time. That is what it is to be alive, really. Simply admire the passage of time in front of your eyes all the time. No one can escape that. It is all we have. And all there is. 

Sit and watch the grass and hear the birds. No park or garden nearby? Drink your coffee for 5 minutes without distractions. Watch out the window and simply watch. It is not wasting time. It is being alive! And we have forgotten how to differentiate those two so much! We don’t know how to simply be anymore. We all the time want to be someone or something, forgetting we are everything already!! We seek answers to things that are in front of our eyes every moment. 

I don’t mean to say stop doing everything you want to do in your life and stop chasing after what you want, but I simply consider we have completely missed the line on what it is to be here now and to actually be in this moment. Not meaning it like some type of guru or whatever, but as a human being. Like you, a spectator. I can, and you can. 2 minutes of your day, if you don’t have more. In traffic! (It helps 😉)

 Close your eyes (or not – especially if driving 😅), and focus on your breathing. It will all be gone soon! So why not do things while you still can? At least in a human form… — Between other things, I feel like I know myself better than ever, but I need to still learn so much about so many things! At the same time, I have no clue what is going on WHILE AT THE SAME TIME, I feel as if everything is falling into place, and I am just getting everything in. 

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This year, I’ve evolved. Definitely. SO MUCH! ALL. THE. TIME. A year full of catharsis. If I’d have to describe my year in a couple of words, they’d be: transformation, destruction, rebirth, and … that’s it. Maybe also ‘WTF.’ But more as one of the top 5 most used phrases this year… because yeah. WTF was that.

 I still don’t get it, but we’re still here going and doing the best we can!

I don’t know what else I can say to be honest… this is how I feel recently. I just don’t know. There is this lingering white, empty space of… I don’t know what. I’ve read a lot, which I’m happy I have… I’ve watched many movies :)!, I’ve met a lot of people, seen a lot of art, created a lot on my own time, manner, space, and way… broken down, rebuilt myself more than once (I’m tired of this!!!!!!!!! Fr now at least… but also no … 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫), I’ve cried a whole ocean, but also laughed like a fricking hyena and danced like a maniac in a way I’ve never danced before – just like the song says -, and ITS FINE! I’ve been so alive this year, regardless of everything. 

I am still learning a lot of things and many seem to be obvious to the rest. Some of them: I am taking more into account the impact I can have on peoples’ life, learning to filter people from my life, to be misunderstood or not understood at all, to have different perspectives, to know that I don’t look nicer while I sit quiet, to have a bolder no, to know I am not ‘too much’ and not even to consider ‘too little’, I don’t ALWAYS have to do everything by myself, and that I am doing the best I can with what I know now. Maybe also remind myself more often I’m cool. I think I am. But I forget. I don’t know, maybe I just act like it without thinking. Is that better???

I will still continue to: be unapologetically myself, make myself uncomfortable and bring myself out of my comfort zone, remind myself I have time and there is no wrong timing, saying I’m sorry and thank you are things I will not cease to say, buy myself flowers just because :), scare men away, make time to create more and hopefully learn to have less mental barriers towards myself and my process, read MORE, be the odd one out, have my own theories, drink lots of water, ask people what bread type is their favorite with their zodiac sign, and live my life under my own terms.

I guess I have a lot to learn and understand still. Somehow this year has made me tougher instead of softer, and I’ve gotten to where I am today and built my avatar to act the way it does today, but well… chaos, transformation, de-construction, and evolution.

I won’t say this coming year will be my year, because I’ve done that years before and well 😅, it will just be a year. Not good neither bad. It will just be, and i will continue to evolve.

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I just end the year, knowing I am not ‘crazy’ or whatever people call me. I’m just a person who is not afraid to live, be alive, and experience life just as it is for me. 

In conclusion: I will be hotter and wiser for next year! Beware !!!!!!! I’ve adviced you all already.

Witches don’t age jijijijijjjijijijijijijiji 🧝🏼‍♀️🧝🏼‍♀️🧝🏼‍♀️🧝🏼‍♀️🧝🏼‍♀️🧝🏼‍♀️🧝🏼‍♀️🧝🏼‍♀️🧝🏼‍♀️🧝🏼‍♀️🧝🏼‍♀️🧝🏼‍♀️🧝🏼‍♀️🧝🏼‍♀️

*While writing this post, it sounds to me like a worrying message from my side and who I sense myself to be today, but I won’t just say it was all joy and smiles, because it didn’t feel like that a lot of the time. Nothing to worry about. This too shall pass. Life is a mystery and we unfold ourselves with it every single moment of it. I am fine, and will be fine. :* :). I’m just growing in the discomfort of the process. I’m the observer!!!

In the end, this is my platform so 😗😗😗😗😗😗😗✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Thanks to everyone who was part of my year in some way, and for the ones that were not too.

I hope I meet again some of you, and some I really hope I don’t! 😁 Although I wish you all the best!

I surrender and I let life unfold in front of me, for me. With fear and pleasure. 

I am thankful to be alive as the person I am today… and who knows? Tomorrow I’ll be my own stranger again. 

I love you!

I wish you all the best for the next year <3

You are loved and sososososooooooooooooo valuable to someone… and if you don’t feel like that, I hope you know how much of that you should feel towards yourself, my dear. 

Immerse yourself into being alive. 

I send you love and light.

MyBk

****as a courtesy from my side, I leave you here below some memes of what being a girl is like heheheheheh hope you get them and enjoy them!! If you do, you should subscribe to milesmind because you are also cool bby <3<3<3<3<3<3<3. If you get them and have subscribed, you can subscribe for a second time because its 2024 (almost). If you don’t get them, it’s okay honeybee, you can subscribe too.