You’re hurting, she said

Lets connect! :)

Saturday November 27, 19:24 from my balcony.

Today was a very special day. I don’t know how each person understands special when they hear it, possibly as something positive, and it is, but something very touching that comes with the word.

We all have met angels in this world and they come in our path because there is something we have to hear from them. 

I specifically met someone today I didn’t even knew I had to meet.

A women. Already lived her life, and experienced it in different levels. Talked with her for 3 hours. And just in that time, she moved me completely and I know she is one of the angels I had to meet. 

At first, I saw her and didn’t think anything about her really. Ok. She’s just here and I’ll have to stick to her for a few hours, and later I’ll figure out what to do with the rest of my day. All of this, before knowing she would give me the one of the biggest insights of my life. 

These past months, I have been going through different emotions,, events, situations, losses, and gains. Everything has been happening to me at the same time. Sometimes its like this, I know… but it SUCKS. SUCKS ASS to be honest. We might need to go through these phases sometimes, but damn, to get over them is the real challenge huh.

I told her part of my story, and after she told me “you’re hurting. You have such beautiful eyes, but they are sad eyes. I see them, and know you are suffering.” One of those uncontrollable streams of tears come out of my eyes and just nodded my head. 

She just met me. And she knows it all. Is it that obvious? How? I’m someone she doesn’t even have to think about or even wonder how she feels.

One of those people who touch you without having to physically do.

I’ve said through my mind to myself these past weeks “I’m healing”, and someone who doesn’t even know me comes and tells me “you’re hurting”. 

Oh damn. I am. And you know. 

I haven’t even been through 1/3 of the things you may have already in life, and we both know you know it all already. You’ve stood in my shoes before me. You’ve lived this.

A family member sitting besides me, who introduced me to her, said “well we all love you in this family and you are not alone”. This angel answered “yes, yes, she knows, but this is not what she needs now. She is young and going through something she’s not mature enough to confront, or at least hasn’t gone through enough situations to deal with this by herself the way she is. She’s having a fucking situation. And fucking just comes with it because it is how sometimes words  bring out the expression, not even complete, of how one feels. And it helps.”

After telling her my complete story, she just said, “you’re going through shit. Hard shit.” And I could come to just think, well yeah. I am. Not gonna lie about it. I am. But I learn from this. 

She is just one of those people you know they might not appear in your near future or anything, but you know they have done the work they needed to do with you at this moment. Such a sacred being. Getting through her own things, and just willing to listen to the hurt of another one.

“Hurt people understand hurt people”

A fact.

This is true.

I came to understand that healing isn’t linear, and hurting is part of it. If you hurt, you’re healing. 

“Life is a complication of good, bad, hard, and simple. If you are going through a hard moment, just know that simplicity is on its way.”

BUDA

In the end, I got the opportunity to share myself with this angel, and by the time I had to leave, we were in the car, taking me back home.

She starting opening up to me about an intense clinical illness she had been going through for the past three years now, how she was going to go on treatment soon, she doesn’t know if she’ll be able to attend to the surgery if they don’t accept her in due to the pandemic rise, and she had seen her partner be taken away from this planet already. 

Are you joking? And the one going through hard shit is me?!

I couldn’t stop and just think, wow. THIS person, with all the situations she is going through, lets me know I’m hurting and I’M the one going through hard shit. 

This just felt like a complete change in paradigm for me. It just completely gave another value to my entire afternoon and provided me with a lesson I’ll keep forever. 

We all hurt at different levels at different times. It might seem like some levels of pain don’t compare to others, and it’s different for everyone. Pain is not existing for you to compare it. Pain comes different for all of us. Everyone fights a battle everyday, even if you don’t realize it. I can’t say I haven’t had a hard time, because I honestly have. But damn. This just flipped my perspective on a 180 degree. There are so many struggles out there, and mine might seem significant or insignificant to others, but it’s truly eye opening having an event like this happen to us.

The connection people who hurt create, when experiencing hurt at the same moment, in different degrees and perspectives or situations, is unimaginable. I had never experienced something like this, and it’s an afternoon I’ll be grateful for having till my memory allows me to do so. 

I’ll wish her the best on her journey, and she did to me as well. In fact, just by advising me the way she did, she left her piece of her in me. And for me, that’s everything on meeting someone. Having a piece of them in you.

Before we left, I just told her “if you don’t mind, just tell me, what should I do?” And she said “go. Do it. If you feel you are ready and you’ll be able to handle the situation, or maybe even get the same hurt twice, do it. What do you have to loose now? It’s better ti take the risk, than stand for years and keep thinking on what it could have been.”

I stopped. What do I have to loose now? Nothing. Really nothing.

She reminded me on how it’s better to be grateful I at least gave it a try, than wait for the years to come and regret I didn’t. So why not just do it? When you feel it’s the appropriate moment, of course. But go! If you can, go.

Honestly, they dropped me of at my door, I got into my apartment, and sobbed and bawled my eyes out inside my house, in silence, for (I’d like to say) about hour or so. I can’t believe this happened. I just met one of the many angels I’m meant to meet in my path. She appeared just in the moment she had to, and that’s the wonder of these people in life. They are sent to you just when you need to hear from them. You don’t even expect them to be with you, but they come and give a piece of them for you to keep and follow on with them in you.

If by any chance, she gets to read this, I’m beyond grateful for finding you in my way, and letting me open up to you and received a raw, judge less advice.

Hoping the best for you always.

Thank you.

Milena